It’s Either You or Me…

Photo Cred: herway.net

I once believed that I would be able to keep you by my side forever. Your presence was warm like the sun. Your touch was soft like silk. Your smile was bright as the biggest star in the sky. Your words were smooth as butter – making me melt every time I listened to you speak. I felt as if my feet were rarely on the ground. I enjoyed the entire ride while my love for you continued to grow.

Was I in too much of a trance? Did I fall into loving you? I will never be able to answer those questions because everything happened so fast. Before I knew it, I started to come down from floating. Your presence started to grow colder like the beginning of fall. Your touch became rough as a rocky terrain. Your smile turned dark as the night sky. Your words became harsh as the sea during a storm. I didn’t know how it happened, but you were quickly changing before my eyes. The more I tried to hold onto those sensational feelings that I once felt from you, the more you pulled away. The more I tried to love you, the less I felt it in return. I felt like I was fighting to hold onto the euphoria that I felt in the beginning.

Before I knew it, all of the pleasant feelings that I had once experienced around you were gone. I barely felt your presence. Your touch seemed to become distant. Your smile seemed forced. Your words seemed to cut like a knife. I could not figure out why you felt like I no longer deserved to experience the best of you. I almost felt like I was begging to feel the warmth, the softness, and the brightness that you once showed me. It was like the well had run dry – and then, just like that, you were gone. There was so much hurt, emptiness, and confusion.

When you feel like you’re in the dark about what’s going on around you, it can be devastating. I almost felt like something that I held so near and dear to my heart had been stolen. I felt so lost, but I knew I had to find myself again. If I didn’t do something about it, I felt that I might lose even more of myself. In order to continue on the road to self-restoration, I knew just what I needed to do. I had to pivot towards healing and understanding that some things have an unfortunate end. I had to regain access to my own heart and mind. I loved you but I had to love me more. It was either you or me – and my dear love, I have to always choose me ❤

The Best of You

Photo Cred: Countryliving.com

When it comes to giving the best of ourselves, most people express that they will give their best with certain individuals. In other words, if they believe that the said person deserves it, they have no problem giving their best efforts. Despite how many people claim to operate this way, many people tend to give their best to a person – even after they realize the person does not deserve it. 

More often than not, when people come into our lives, they put their best foot forward. For example, they may show sheer kindness and gestures of affection to win your full attention. Others may hide idiosyncrasies that tend to appear over the time you get to know them. Overall, when a person meets you for the first time, they want you to believe that they are a person worth your time. 

As time passes, you begin to notice little behaviors that were not there before. Maybe they aren’t as nice as much as they used to be. Maybe they don’t ask how you’re doing like they used to – or they don’t show concern as they used to. The optimism and hope in mankind within you may say “Maybe this person is having a bad day” or “Maybe I can be even more pleasant so that they will return to the nice affectionate person they were when we just met”. However, it is important to realize that many people get comfortable within relationships. Therefore, they no longer see the importance of making the bold gestures they used to make when they were working to secure your attention and affection.

The major mistake that we all tend to make is thinking that, if we show this person more love and affection, they will reciprocate those same efforts. However, most of the time, the opposite ends up happening. People start to realize they don’t have to show as much effort as they used to – and they will still be given a person’s best efforts. These situations almost never change for the better – and you are stuck feeling like you’re in a one-sided relationship.

It is essential to reserve the best of you for the individuals who truly deserve it. Save your best efforts for someone who is going to continue to show you why you’re important to them; someone who will always make sure that you’re doing well mentally, physically, and emotionally; someone who will always show their affection or love; someone who continues to show interest in getting to know all of you; someone who treats you with respect; someone who notices the little things so that you always know they’re paying attention. Until then, continue to give yourself the love, attention, respect, and care that you need everyday to grow because the one person that will always deserve the best is YOU.

When the World Becomes a Blur

Photography Cred: Self.com

Hello Everyone!

I hope that this post finds you all well. There’s a few major lessons that I learned during this pandemic. One is that you truly don’t realize how valuable time is with loved ones until you cannot see them like before – or that you have to use video-calling apps to check in with them. Another lesson is that staying in the house has truly affected my inspiration to write. Observing my environment and being exposed to new things is essential to my inspiration to create. I truly hope that you all have found some type of inspiration during this time to take part in your artistry or craft. Many people are positively affected by what you share with the world- so continue to stay motivated! I hope that you all continue to find time for self-care during this difficult time. I want to also take my time to thank any readers or fellow bloggers who come across my page and like my content. You are truly the reason I continue to share my writing with the world. Please continue to share yours. -xoxo-

Safe-keeping

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Art photo credit:Pictoclub

The heart is one of the most delicate organs in the body. Yet, so many treat it like it cannot be broken..almost like it is indestructible. How is it that, after all this time and many broken hearts later, people still are blind to how the heart works? There are many instances where hearts are hurt health-wise. What about external forces like people that find their way to your heart? We can control our diet to increase likelihood of excellent heart health, but we cannot control who finds their way to our heart. Sometimes, people that find their way to our heart simply may not know how to care for it. However, we try and try (often to our dismay) to wait for people to learn how to care for our hearts. Some never learn, and some choose to be unaware of how to treat one of the most vital organs that we need to live.

There is a need to understand why we must safeguard our own hearts. We cannot rely on others to know the importance of treating our heart with care. Many will fail to care, and others will prey on the opportunity to destroy you. There will be someone who will take your heart and place it in the safest place. However, how will we get to those people if we allow others to take time and fail at caring for our hearts? Before the tears, the stress, the worrying, the loss of self, the frowns, the aches, the lack of sleep, and the damage to your delicate heart -I ask this following question : “Do you want to know what it’s like to self-implode?”….To turn on yourself and fall apart ? To not know what it’s like to live anymore? To not feel like you are truly valued?..To feel like everything is falling apart?

Someone who doesn’t properly care for your delicate heart simply won’t do…so please do yourself a favor & care for your own heart until someone who will keep it in the safest place comes along.

Selflessness or something else?

 

As we interact with other people in our lives, most people (emphasis on most) are usually kind to others. Aside from different personality traits, kindness is usually something that we don’t mind showing to the people that are in our lives. We even tend to be polite to strangers when at jobs, events, and other random places. Some people are so kind, they are often selfless. When we think of being “selfless”, we think of not being selfish right? It’s important to note that being selfless is not a dichotomous concept. In other words, if you’re not always selfless, it does not mean that you are selfish. Many people feel like being selfless is a great attribute to have – and in many cases it is! What if I told you that being selfless isn’t always a good thing? I think you may know where I am going with this one. First let’s take a look at the definition of selfless.

According to the Merriam Webster dictionary:

Selfless (adjective): having no concern for self; having or showing great concern for other people and little or no concern for yourself

Now that we know the raw definition of being selfless, we can all agree CONTEXT IS EVERYTHING. There are times when being selfless becomes lack of self esteem. It’s okay to be selfless when you want to help your grandma clean her house instead of using the time to take a nap. It’s okay to be selfless when your child needs clothes and shoes and you always put their needs before your own. It’s okay to be selfless when your significant  other needs your support when they are going through a rough patch. However, the reason why I say context matters is because there are times when a person can be too selfless. If a stranger is not as kind as you were to them, it may not bother you as much. If you are constantly being selfless to a person in your life that doesn’t appreciate you, it can be downright exhausting. Try being there for a person unconditionally every time they call on you, but when you need the support the person does not reciprocate. Some of us make ourselves constantly available to others that wouldn’t go the same lengths for us. This is a very hard lesson to learn because you treat people how you want to be treated. Unfortunately, some people will never treat you as kind as you treat them.

It’s safe to say that when you are selfless to others in your life, and they don’t show you the same consideration, it turns into lack of self-esteem. At some point, you can become that person’s doormat due to your endless amounts of concern for them. These types of people will start to take your willingness to be there for granted. They will start to use your selfless attitude for their own personal gains. With that said, find time to teach yourself the difference between a person who deserves your time and a person who doesn’t. Continue to give without expecting anything in return, but there’s a caveat to that statement. If you give too much to the wrong person, they will start to take everything – leaving you feeling less than. It’s not about changing the kindness within yourself, but it’s about who you should limit your kindness with. You can be selfless and still practice self love .

 

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When Vulnerability Strikes..

First, let’s define Vulnerability (& this is not to be confused with stupidity or gullibility) :

According to Merriam Webster (1828)

(Adj)-Capable of being physically or emotionally wounded; Open to attack or damage

I sat for a while and thought about what people felt about the concept of vulnerability – including myself. I immediately became uncomfortable within my own thoughts. I started to think “I don’t want to be vulnerable because I don’t want to fail.” As a true Type A personality, I love to try my hardest to control outcomes. When I think of vulnerability, I think of more variability – and it makes me so anxious. One would ask, “Life is full of variables that cannot be controlled for, so what’s different about vulnerability?”

From the time we are born, we are flourishing by being the most vulnerable beings we can be. Growing, learning, trusting, creating, and loving are mastered during childhood simply from being vulnerable to our environment. That brings me to the following question: What part of human development do we start to decide that vulnerability is a bad thing? For example, for centuries, men have been told not to cry or wear their feelings on their sleeve because it makes them less “manly”. However, I do not personally know one man that experienced long-term benefits from the practice of suppressing emotions. Women, who are full-time mothers, executives, supervisors, teachers, etc are subliminally silenced when it comes to emotion. If a woman in any of the categories mentioned (and the long list of categories not mentioned) were to cry and show passion, many would consider it an “emotional break-down” or some type of mental health issue. I couldn’t see why vulnerability was stigmatized – forcing people to stunt their own emotional and intellectual growth. Some people (including myself) get into routines, set expectations, and let disappointments continue to keep them boxed in.

However, I hope that someone can take away at least one connection about vulnerability in this post. Vulnerability doesn’t take away from who you are. It makes you who you are. Without letting go of fears, how will we explore? Without letting go of routines, how will we discover? Without letting go of expectations, how will we learn from disappointments? Vulnerability allowed you to trust and fall in love. It also allowed for you to heal from a broken heart. Vulnerability will allow you to find yourself when you feel lost.

#vulnerable #vulnerability #life #love #live #loveyourself #flourish #positive #letgo #be free #lovequotes #lifequotes #life #exhale #queen #king #dearqueenblog #dearqueen #wordpress #twitter #instagram #facebook

Is your love enough?

I came across this quote on social media and I really had to take a step back to really grasp its meaning and relevance. Many of you have heard quotes similar to this such as “when you talk less, you hear more” or ” saying less is saying more” etc. In the circumstance of relationships, sometimes it feels like these ideas can be applied. Maybe if we complained less, we would see more effort from our significant other . Hmmm. As an analytical reader, I am not too sure that can easily apply to all types of relationships. If there are two people who are good communicators and feel comfortable addressing issues with each other, the “talk less” theory becomes obsolete. However, there are a lot of people who communicate differently -sometimes not through conversation. Some people channel feelings through actions and not words. Everyone is different . With that said, it brings me to the 2nd part of the quote. If a person’s love isn’t enough, what makes them think their words will be better? In other words, you can love someone so unconditionally and put them on a pedastool but if they do not appreciate your love or feel that it is enough for them, nothing will be enough. Everything you do for them will be okay, but not great. They will thank you but not appreciate you. They will have care for you but not care about you. Trust when I say, there is a difference . We go through like trying so hard for love because we don’t want to feel lonely or like losers. We love a person so hard thinking they’ll do the same in return. We all know how that can end up – especially if they don’t view you as enough.

So here’s to a new approach. Love yourself and appreciate yourself  so much that you’ll know what it should feel like from the next person. And no I’m not saying to be a narcissist 🤡. In all seriousness, love should be reciprocated and if you ever feel like your love isn’t enough , your words won’t make them appreciate your love anymore than they do. You begging or explaining your feelings to them won’t change a thing. Observe more. Then react with grace -keeping your heart , mind, and soul intact.

#love #live #life #relationships #health #goodhealth #healthy #social #instagram #twitter #facebook #queen #king #bestposts #quotes #lovequotes #lifequotes #thedearqueenblog

In life, it seems that many of us are always doing things to seek the approval of others. Why is it that we feel the need to impress others when it comes to the things that we do from day to day? It seems that everything we do revolves around the approval of society. “Am I working hard enough? Are my clothes nice enough? Is my body appealing enough? Is my personality good enough?”  . These questions are constantly being subconsciously asked while we operate from day to day. What people fail to realize is that this constant need of approval is never ending. This constant need of approval will never end and nothing that you do will ever seem like it’s good enough. Many of us that live this way should work to realize that approval that comes from our own selves is all the we need. The minute that we realize that, we will achieve goals at our best because it will be to our own satisfaction. I once felt that my actions had to be based off of everyone else’s satisfaction. I still do have those moments here and there. I was miserable because I was always seeking approval from my achievements. Everything I did , whether it was graduating , obtaining Honors, getting a new job, etc- I was hoping that someone would be there to tell me that they were proud or how happy they were for me. While those words are always nice to hear, I thought I needed them and I didn’t. I stopped seeking approval and gratitude from others and started simply relying on myself. I looked within myself to know that I do a good job, that I am a hard working person, I am beautiful the way I am, a good-hearted person, and I was completely satisfied with that. While I still have my moments from time to time, there’s absolutely nothing anyone can say to break my own self approval. When it comes to my mind, my heart, my accomplishments, and everything else, I know how much I have to offer. When you realize your self worth, self approval comes right along with that. Practice telling yourself that you are proud of you. You did a great job. It seems a bit silly at first but it’s what helped me and I hope that you no longer need approval from others to tackle the goals you set out in life. Cheers.

#selfapproval #selfworth #selflove #appreciation #lovequotes #lifequotes #life #love #queen #king #real #truth #bestquotes #instagram #twitter #facebook #thedearqueenblog